Top 5 Tuesday: Swimming Fashion Faux Pas
We’ve all seen them, the undesirable lane partner that always seems to show up right after you have successfully staked out your own territory. “Can we split,” she says in a barely audible, congested whisper as a result of the scuba piece pinching her nose. You hold back a smile as you look at eyes that are magnified and crossed by the tremendously large pink scuba diving goggles. Maybe you don’t have the urge to tell this eager beaver the half-dozen faux pas dressings covering her body. But, unlike my considerate readers, I am callous from all of these experiences and feel it time to voice my opinion on the Top 5 Swimming Fashion Faux Pas.
5. Jammers in Practice. Hey, if you’re over 30, go for it. You’ve earned the right to do just about whatever you want without answering to anyone. BUT: if under 30, come on, what are you trying to prove/hide? Don’t get me wrong, I’m as big of a fan as the next guy of the neon purple and green stripe going down the side and, as I have all of a sudden crowned myself the king of haute couture de natation, I respect you showing your flair. But let’s try and keep the jammers for racing or when you’re cycling in the Tour de France.
4. Men Wearing Caps in Practice. Okay, I’ll put an addendum to this rule: if your hair is longer than your eyebrows, you are exempted. This is not totalitarianism, just a reasonable guide. So, since we don’t all want everyone in the world to look the same by all means grow your hair out and protect your golden locks with that snug-fitting silicon barrier to the evil chlorine. But, if your hair does not exceed said guideline, do not oppress it with a cap. Just as I said above, we don’t want everyone in the world to look the same. So: wear that chlorine-ridden, blonde bordering on gray, dried-out hair with pride. It is what distinguishes you, as a swimmer, from all those other “beautiful” athletes who have the luxury of designer hair-care products versus you having been stuck with whatever full body soap the local YMCA stocks in the shower. This is what makes you unique, be proud.
3. Wearing Goggles Around Neck. Just as the wooden cutout at the circus has a hand that says “you must be this tall to ride this ride,” imagine that there is also a cutout of two hands holding up ten fingers when you enter a pool that says “you may not wear your goggles around your neck if you are older than these many fingers.” A lot of things were fun when you were a 10 and Under Swimmer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (okay, some things stand the test of time), All Out Butterfly, Belly Flops (once you crack two-hundo, they stop being fun), writing your events on your hand, etc. But their comes a time when one must acknowledge that certain responsibilities come with age. As all of us here are ambassadors to our sport, let’s treat our goggles as more than a necklace and place them in the hand or on forehead when not in use.
2. Scuba Goggles in Practice. See: intro to this article.
1. Fastskins/Full Body Racing Suits in Practice. Why, oh why…wait, who, oh who, has the money to waste a $200+ dollar suit by wearing it to workout everyday? I don’t know anyone now, but maybe that’s why I’m not important socially. The point of training is to make yourself better, and better is a relative thing. So if you go 1:09 for a 100 free in practice, and drop it down to 1:07, that is good. If you go 1:09, then start wearing a fastskin and go 1:06…is that an improvement? I think the swim suit companies would like to argue it isn’t, as apparently the new pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis material in these things makes it possible for the new suits to break a world record…without even having person inside of it. Seriously, drop one of these suits in the water and see what happens.
What did I miss?
Comment by robertnole7688
Posted on May 8th, 2007 at 17:25
dont forget the pink flower caps old ladies where, those give me a laugh
Comment by Erik
Posted on May 8th, 2007 at 17:42
How about girls with bikini taint lines, who wear a high-cut one-piece in practice. It just doesn’t look right.
Comment by Michael
Posted on May 8th, 2007 at 18:30
DON’T FORGET: TURNING YOUR CELL PHONE ON AND LEAVING IT BY THE SIDE OF THE POOL! I have personally seen more cell phones get fumigated by chlorinated water than you’d think possible. Is NO place sacred anymore?
And the sound in an enclosed natatorium when it goes off?
Oh, my goodness! Throw the darn thing in the deep end!
Get a life!
Comment by Karen
Posted on May 8th, 2007 at 18:46
transparent suits (unless worn over an opaque one). I don’t care how hot you are; leave at least *something* to the imagination, okay? *grimace*
Comment by mark
Posted on May 8th, 2007 at 19:47
David, I disagree with the no caps if your hair is a certain length rule. Are you that principal from Back to the Future? I can see your other “faux pas” (are you in Austin or France buddy?) but I don’t think, “oh my god, that guy is wearing a…gasp…CAP! and his hair is past his eyebrows!” is that realistic. What’s next, guys can’t wear teal colored earrings?
Comment by Tony Austin
Posted on May 8th, 2007 at 23:42
I wear a cap in the winter to keep my head warm!
Comment by mudslinger
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 00:02
Mark, the brosef that he is, has beaten me to the punch. I was going to suggest adding textured caps with chin straps to the list, but those are generally only worn by elderly women and thus qualify for David’s “Over 30″ exemption. Male college swimmers wearing teal earrings is the height of chachery. I wish I could say I’ve never seen it.
Comment by Jason
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 00:19
what about the cap turn sideways so the logo is on the fore head
Comment by Tyler Totman
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 00:55
Jammers in practice? Would you only hit the heavy weights in a gym? Then why do only resistance training in practice (board shorts are like that). Resistance suits do degrade a swimmers stroke over time. If I was at home I could even grab you the article. So in the interest of good technique wear something streamlined.
As for goggles around the neck, too many years Scuba diving has caused me to do that all the time. I once wore goggles around my neck for 7 hours when out with friends…they didn’t even tell me. Believe me you dont’ want to accidently leave your mask behind.
Comment by da_texas
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 07:36
Goggles. I’d like to add that for some reason (age?) even the used-to-be-comfortable goggles with neoprene lining the edges of the eyepiece are a pain. I don’t mind bearing training pain, but what feels like a poke in the eye with a sharp object is not on my list of “things tolerable.” So I have opted for the SEAL goggle and I love it. For training, hard to beat and no problems streamlining or with head position (and a HUGE range of vision), and NO, I don’t mind being referred to as “the pearl diver in lane 6″ as much as “the guy with ice packs on his eyes.” But I -will- wear regular goggles for competition.
Caps. Feels like my head is in an oven and the water sounds funny. Give me chlorine hair any day!
Jammers. I’d rather see jammers on the guys who aren’t “specimens” instead of looking like pot-bellied Euro-dudes in their quasi-thongs and Lycra Speedos they borrow from their 10-U grandsons.
Cell phones. Don’t get me started.
Comment by Billy
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 07:38
As long as swimmers aren’t wearing love handles, spare tires or cellulite, they’re fine with me.
Comment by Adam
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 08:34
I might be off track, but I think the refs need to be given a fashion overhaul. How man refs have you seen with flab hanging over the sides of the pants or shorts? How many refs have you seen with the way too tight top showing they’ve put on a good 40 pounds. White socks up past the knee caps. Walrus mustaches. I think they clones some of the guys. The women refs are perfect in every way. Mom taught me better than that.
Comment by Bob Sugar
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 12:29
From all the hyperventilating over at the other thread, you’d think that wearing nothing at all is the greatest evil ever visited on the sport.
Erik’s “bikini taint lines”. Beautiful. Think AB will be showing her “taint”?
Comment by Rhi
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 17:15
I think it’s okay to wear racing suits for practices on some days. We did it with Schubert twice a week and it was to get used to the feel of racing in them in practice before doing it in a meet.
Comment by robertnole7688
Posted on May 9th, 2007 at 23:38
i forgot to add the snorkel in the pool, but ig uess it could go along with the mask.
Comment by Mike
Posted on May 11th, 2007 at 11:59
I love tan lines … more tan lines please … ;o)
Comment by ny_hunni
Posted on May 14th, 2007 at 10:10
when ppl wear caps with their ears and half their hair hangin out…i actually have 2 fix caps like that they annoy me so much. also, i dont think any guys should wear caps…its just wrong..
Comment by Rich
Posted on May 14th, 2007 at 12:22
Wearing a cap helps keep me warm and is especially useful for a long workout in cold water.
Comment by Jane
Posted on May 16th, 2007 at 15:58
Wearing a size-24 swim suit does not make you a size-24.
It makes you a size-30 person in a very small piece of Lycra. And it’s not nice to look at.
Comment by Duke
Posted on May 16th, 2007 at 21:27
I definitely hear the main author’s points, but I have to add a few. I agree with Rhi that racing suits are sometimes necessary for CERTAIN practices where you are doing lactic “pace” sets and getting used to a particular suit before racing in it. That only makes sense. But I mean, now that I am not competing and more of a rec swimmer, I don’t get why some of the “beginner” swimmers are wearing jammers and fast skins while they splash around in the lanes marked “slow”. It’s funny, however really annoying at the same time. At the same time, let’s use this Jammer section to differentiate between a regular speedo, and a European beach lounging thong. One big difference is that their should be a draw string up top to tighten them accordingly, and another is that the label of some aquatic sports company should be on the front.
Goggles around the neck is a FOR SURE faux pas! I hear you Mr. Scuba man up top, but that excuse doesn’t work. Unless you are wearing a mask by the ocean, ditch this habit.
I’d like to add what I consider a faux pas of my own. Full ankle- wrapping tevas should not be seen anywhere except for the ocasional lesbian. When at the pool, let’s keep it minimalistic with regular flip flops please.
Comment by Blastoff
Posted on May 17th, 2007 at 15:17
Don’t forget POOLSIDE faux pas.
Wearing a speedo and sneakers.
Comment by Duke
Posted on May 17th, 2007 at 19:30
I once had a coach that was consistently present on deck in a t-shirt, speedo, and sneakers. Every end of the year banquet we tried to get him shorts of some kind, but sure enough, the next season would be the same story. Oddly enough, he was one of the coaches in the Chicago suburbs that was arrested for maintaining inappropriate images of young children on his computer. I mean, I guess we saw several red flags, but there’s some incentive to skip the speedo/sneakers combo.
Comment by Dude
Posted on June 15th, 2007 at 02:32
After reading all of your comments, I want to get a speedo and wear it in a hotel swimming pool with my purple swim cap, nose plugs, ear plugs and swim goggles! Thanks guys!
Comment by anon
Posted on June 16th, 2007 at 21:58
i think the tan lines thing is okay..in the summer atleast..i know i have them haha
BUT….faux pas in my opinion:
when people wear really really baggy faded suits and its like not fitted what-so-ever…ew
also when guys have their crack hanging out of their 6 sizes too small speedo..low suits are okay on SOME people, but they gotta know how low is too low :)
Comment by Top 5 Tuesday: Best Training Equipment - Timed Finals
Posted on August 26th, 2007 at 12:48
[…] The Snorkel. No, I’m not talking about the well-documented scuba mask and snorkel I brought up a few weeks ago, but rather the competitive swimming version of this. This truly is […]
Comment by Carolynn
Posted on January 16th, 2008 at 21:47
In our area the speedo sneakers sweatshirt ipod combo is big with all of the girls. I find it comfortable & warm and nobody around here seems to mind when we do it. But i totally agree with the whole flip flop thing, if you’re wearing sandals, try not to look like a tourist at a water park haha
Comment by Adam
Posted on January 17th, 2008 at 19:31
I realize this thread is dead, but I wear a jammer in practice. Here’s why: I am very, very hairy. Trust me, I look better with my upper thighs and the back of my legs covered. For those eating while they read this, i apologize.
Please don’t make fun of me for wearing my jammer in practice. I’m 34 and not so attractive anymore.